PS Revisited

Ah...the infamous personal statement. Well, here's my nth attempt at writing it. I think the thesis of my personal statement this time is to highlight how my multitasking abilities makes me want to become a MD. Here it goes again:

There is a popular saying that the "jack of all trades is a master of none." I have spent the past ten years of my life searching for an exception to this meaning. It may be a symptom of being the middle child and the second sister of four kids, but for as long as I can remember, I was always an overachiever. In grammar school, I entertained myself with knitting club, running the newspaper club, drama club, chorus, monitor club, and winning science and history fair competitions. In high school, I participated in the National Honors Society, scholastic bowl competitions, volleyball, peer leading, soup kitchens, co-lead two ethnic clubs, and performed in talent shows and dance festivals. In the four years I spent in college, I managed to complete two science majors, a minor, complete my pre-health requirements, research commitments, and a job as a lab technician at the local hospital. As exhausting as this list may be to read, I just want to point out that it was more exhausting in experience. Life was never boring, but I did reach a point where I just pulled the brakes on life and asked myself,"Why am I doing all this? What is my purpose?" That point was when I graduated from college. I questioned whether my love for science and medicine was a genuine desire and not just a result of my overprotective stereotypical Asian upbringing. I went to X Univ with a desire to pursue the career path of a doctor and I left it with the uncertainty that becoming one would help me address all of life's answers. I really had no clear idea what the f*** I wanted to do with my life.

I just wanted to be happy, and happiness is subjective.

So going back to the Jack's trade conundrum, I decided to pursue a "life-changing" experience that would help me settle down on this career thing, potentially a stint in Africa with the peace corps or something. It turns out that life never really works the way we imagine it to. Instead, my life-changing experience came in the form of a beautiful baby girl named Saya. By the time Saya was born, I had already acquired enough experience to deem myself "exposed" to the medical industry. For two years, I worked as a lab technician, mainly performing phlebotomy procedures for inpatients and ER patients at the local hospital. Despite the low pay (we were paid $5 below the median pay for phlebotomists) and the crazy work-load (I had between 30-70 requisitions per shift), I really enjoyed the fact that I had a chance to meet people of all walk of life. Unlike in retail and business, there is a sense of respect, camaraderie, and dignity that is exemplified in the the healthcare industry. Having spent the last few months as a pregnant lady working in the ER, I also experienced some very dangerous situations, but the experiences never scared me from working in health care.

However, I also knew, for a long time, that I had to move onto something better. Considering the birth of my daughter, I wasn't ready to go back to school, emotionally or financially........

Of Love and Loss

Today, I mourn for a friend. Specifically, my best friend's father has recently passed away. Her brother had passed away a few years earlier and it just crushed my heart to know that it's all happening again: the feeling of loss for a loved one. I haven't been to many funerals but J's funeral was really difficult to swallow, simply because he was at the prime of his life. Mr. C has lived a somewhat prosperous and long life but it still pains my heart to know that we have lost an extraordinary individual to the inevitability of life.

I think about it every time I question my goal for medical school. Should I submit the next few years to "misery" and near-poverty? Is it all worth it or should I be enjoying my life? Yet somehow, my decision has been more firm than ever. As much as I want to say that I believe in God, there is a side of me that truly believes that when we die, we're just gone. Our atoms go back to the earth and the world moves on. Everything that I know, that I feel, that I believe in, goes away when I die. I know it can be unsettling at times. I feel like I'll never come to terms with the fact that we all have to die. I can only pray that I will live at least as long as Mr. C so that I can have as many family members or people to pass my love and knowledge onto. But somehow, it's feeling this uncertainty about life after death that makes me more committed to my career. Why? Because for the first time in my life, I want to leave behind a legacy. I want to prove to my daughter that life is more about making the most of yourself than just living in a comfortable and driving nice cars. There's so many things wrong with this world and I know that I can't fix it all, but I've tried my best to push myself. No more second guesses at yourself V. No more half-assed attitudes and wishy washy dreams. They will all become a reality the moment you say so.

My big break and updates on premed preparation

Sigh* I swear there is not enough time for all the blog posts/product reviews/food recipes that I want to make out there. Whhhy is life so short?

I had a bad day today but since I've been doing a lot better lately, I thought I'd remind myself how good life is right now. Let's just say that H and I have caught our big break. He got a job. Yay!! And it pays really well! Super yay! Not to mention, he works at my hospital...super duper yay!! Everytime I think about it, I'm so elated because now I don't have to worry about how I'm going to feed my family when I am in medical school.

My life was in the dumps during the summer. I lived in a roach/mice infested rundown apartment with barely any running water and an apathetic landlord that would never fix anything. On top of that, my job was at stake and my car's ac was broken during the blistering summer. I was ready to leave H unless he got his sh** together and get a job (just any job).

When summer ended, he was interviewed at the hospital where I work at and now he landed a very sweet job as information systems analyst, which is exactly what he went to school for. It has almost been two months since he works there and I am really digging the commute. My previous 3 hrs daily commute using public transportation was cut down to 30-1 hr. It made waking up in the morning so much easier.

However, I still find it challenging to fit in studying throughout the week. At most, I get about 24 hrs of studying done so far, which is down 6 hrs from what I think would make a huge progress in my scores. I am behind in my schedule, but the last practice exam that I took wasn't so bad. It went up 4 points from the first exam, so I'm hopeful that it will keep going up after every practice test (notice the word hopeful).

On second note, I also found a study buddy! He was introduced to me by one of our grad students. He also works at my hospital, so we get together during all weekend to study. We make a great team because he's really good at the physicals sciences (which I love but reek in) but sucks in verbal reasoning (which I love), so we are using each other to evaluate our strengths and weaknesses. Studying has become so enjoyable because now I don't feel so alone and I have someone to force me to wake up early weekends and study.

This whole nontrad premed experience is becoming a lot more enjoyable, to say the least. I recently asked my bosses for some time off (last two weeks and some Wednesdays). First one is totally supportive. I assume boss #2 is too, but we will see.

My life is slowly falling into pieces. I think I've gained a lot of confidence throughout these experiences and I hope that it shines through on the test day. :)