Giving myself an extension

So who was I kidding? When I made the decision last August to take the exam by this August, I assumed that it would give me enough time to apply for medical school. Boy was I wrong. This parenting/working/studying thing is tough. I find that when I can't be good at all, I had to make a decision about being good in at least two of these things and I chose family and work. This week I find out if the RO1 project that is funding my position will get renewed. Actually, we're just getting scores and often, scores can tell a lot. If we get a good score and the project gets funded, I get to keep my job. If not, then my boss may still be able to give me a part time job for another project. It just sucks big time because I still have so much to complete in the lab before I move onto the next stage of my life.

This may also be the week that I find out if H gets a job. What a crazy week. Interestingly, he got a job interview for an IT position at my hospital. The interview seemed to go really well, according to him, but you never really know nowadays. Sometimes, it's just a matter of luck.

I made the decision to push my test date back to January or February. By then, hopefully I'll have more MCAT prep up my sleeve, some articles with my name, and a prehealth committee from my college to back me up. I think I would have an excellent chance of getting into the schools in my region. I also pushed back my test date because I will have no source of income when I go back to school if H doesn't find a job soon. I think I was getting too stressed out by tackling all these things at once and it was making miserable and sick all the time.

H really needs to step up in life. He needs to start helping out in the house more, do some cleaning and cooking for once, or at least make money to feed us when I go back to school. I'm taking this time off from my goals to help him achieve his, so if he doesn't deliver within the next year, I feel compelled to leave him. I know it's sad that we have a daughter together. I don't know if I have the courage to leave him because she loves him so much. But at the same time, I can't bear all this weight on my shoulder; I deserve so much better I can't believe it's taken me so long to realize this. I don't know....I guess I'm just having one of those moments...